Work Expands to Fill the Time Available (2008.8.31)

　Phone rang, and I got scared.

　In 1991, I was so-called “Roninsei (failed student)”. In the spring of that year, I didn’t pass the entrance examination to a university. So I had to study hard for the next-year examination.

　I had to, but as a matter of fact, I didn’t. Somehow or other, I didn’t feel like studying for the exam. Instead, I spent a lot of time to study English conversation. I didn’t go to cram school for the exam. Instead, I went to ECC, an English conversation school.
　Now I know that it was a kind of ESCAPISM. I really enjoyed learning English conversation because it gave me no stress. I just relaxed and studied what I wanted to.

　In those days, I had one thing which I really HATED. It was hearing phone bells at my house, because they sometimes turned out to be my friends or my high-school teacher who worried about me. Of course, I knew that they were trying to encourage me and I knew that I should appreciate their calls. But in fact, I hated to answer the phones, because I knew they would ask, “How is your study going?”
　Can you imagine my feeling when I was asked that question? I felt AWFLLY GUILTY and AWFULLY BAD, because I had not studied for the exam AT ALL. I am betraying their expectation. I understood that they were anxious about me, but I felt as if they were blaming me. Their words were gentle and warm, but in my mind I heard their hidden voice, “Study hard for the exam ! ”, “English conversation? What are you doing in these important days? That’s not what you should do now ! ” So I didn’t want to answer the phone calls. I didn’t want to talk with any of my friends or teachers who were sincerely worried about my progress. Of course I wished I could say, “Don't worry. I’m doing so great ! I’ve been making a lot of progress. I will pass the exam without fail next time !” But in reality, I couldn’t say such a thing. When the phone rang, I always got scared. That was almost a PHOBIA.

　Recently I noticed one reason why I didn’t feel like studying for the exam in those days. It’s simple. I was thinking that I have PLENTY OF TIME or almost UNLIMITED TIME ahead of me. I thought, “I can manage sometime.”

　Do you know Parkinson’s Law? That's “Work expands to fill the time available.” This law points out that people tend to use up all the time they have to complete their task. More simply, people don’t really start working on their project until the dedline comes close. It is also expressed as “Student Syndrome”. Being controlled by the law, we often finish our task just on the deadline.
　The problem is “When is the deadline?” When I was a "Roninsei", the deadline in my mind was always FAR AWAY from me. In other words, my "available time" was BOUNDLESS. That meant my mission (passing the exam) won’t be accomplished forever.
　Luckily enough, I passed the exam and I could enter a pharmaceutical university in the next year, but I admit that I lacked the SENSE OF TIME throughout that one year.　

　Sometimes I meet people who VALUE their time very much. I believe that they deeply know that the time is limited, the time is money.

　I remember a university researcher who made good use of his time in every way. At lunch time, he always came to our chorus-club room, and spent about thirty minutes. First, he gave us variety of advise while we were practicing chorus, and after finishing it, he practiced the piano himself. I sensed that it was his indispensable thirty minutes which he had decided to spend every day for us and for himself. I respect him for his devotion and his punctuality.
　I remember a woman doctor who worked very hard. One day, in our casual conversation, she said, ”If I left the present hospital and moved to another one, I could have four or five more hours every other week and I could spend the time with my child.” I was surprised to hear that. Four or five hours every other week? Does it make any difference? In my life, four or five hours easily vanish while doing nothing. But it DOES make a big difference for her. I sensed that she cherish her time so much that she tried to make the best of her precious time, especially with her child.
　I believe that those people have their own sense of mission in themselves.

　Our time is not infinite. Now I should really think about it. I realized that I haven’t changed at all since 1991. I realized that I am just working desperately, without any sense of time, without any sense of mission.

　I have to change, because I have several dreams. I shouldn't be just controlled by Parkinson's Law. I should make good use of it. The first step is knowing that "availabe time" to complete my mission is limited in my life. And the second step is setting the deadline of my mission in myself.

　I have to change, because I want to answer the unexpected phone calls from my friends and say, “I’m doing great ! I’ve been making a big progress."